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These are my thoughts that I wish to share with all of you WILLINGLY. These thoughts are about things in my life, my days, events that happen, and... my ever growing ideas and thoughts for the family I call TARP.

~2/1/18

Greetings!

So as usual, I slept in. As sick people do when they don't have to worry about school... ;) I browsed my computer, looking at my Twitter feed, Tumblr feed, and Discord feed less then I should, and instead, I stocked my brain with video's of Markiplier playing Ire's gauntlet, and Jacksepticeye finishing Subnotica. (An ending that made me cry...)

So the day went on, napping, coughing, waking up, eating a bit, looking at my computer, and hoping people would show up for the ball soon as it neared 7:00 Pm (EST). To be honest, I feel like TARP went downhill today, maybe that's just me, but... yeah. I am writing this at 2:13 Am... Don't ask me why, I need to get this off of my chest.

I MISS TARP.

To be honest, I don't feel like I joined the TARP I knew and loved back on Pandora in 2013 when I joined the Discord server after screaming at my tablet because it wouldn't let me on to Pandora. It feels... Empty. Like a shell. Thinking deeper on this, I noticed something. The new members, the third and fourth gens. I feel as if they only came because of the friends they made on Pandora, not because of TARP itself. I AM NOT IN ANY WAY SAYING THAT IS BAD. Not at all! But I do feel as if they don't care as much about TARP and what it means to older members as it does to said older members! I love that they have friends here! That's what I always wanted! But I wish they could care about both the friendships they have made in TARP, and about TARP itself, It's rules and moral code... Because that is what made TARP a home away from home for me, the love for others and the respect It had.

I remember leaving. I could never forget it. It was a few months after I joined, I was caught talking to "Strangers" on Pandora, and wasn't allowed back till 2015. By then it was all gone... I had to make new friends. Which is no hard task for me (I am a walking ball of friendship) but it was hard to move on, I had just tapped into my Role Playing skills and now I had no one to teach me. So I taught myself. I searched for months, reading the old RP's left behind by my peers, re-reading and adding to my own style. Then I found TARP yet again. It didn't look pretty. That golden age had faded and left a rusty varnish in it's wake. But the few remaining Senior Members picked it all back up again, training and handing over the reigns to mature second and even third gen members. It all looked like it was picking up again, we voted an a leader, new stations were up and running, there was even talk of a new "Golden age" on the way.

But this was not to last.

I still kind of blame myself for the partial downfall of TARP in a way, even if I'm not sure of the whole story. I left once again. This time of my own free will. I saw myself falling in with the "bad group" In an attempt to make friends. My grades were falling, I was feeling stressed more and more, and I was hiding this wonderful online family of mine from my true family, my parents and sister. So I left. I wanted to "Start over" and forget everything that had happened on the music app called Pandora. And I did for a bit. For about a year in fact. Then I found my long lost tablet I had hidden in my attempt to flee from Pandora. I had found it while moving. (My family and I moved in July of 2017) I forced myself to open Pandora one more time. Just to see what had become of it. It was all gone. People had left, people I loved, people I never got a chance to say goodbye too... People like Spooky, Whale, Muniver, Abigale. My friends. I won't lie, I cried for about and hour straight. There were some goodbye messages, and other members just vanished like I did. It hurt. A lot. I honestly didn't know what to do next, so I came here, to the wiki, and found that TARP had moved to Discord. I told my family about TARP and all the wonderful things that had happened over the years I had been there. I don't think they fully understood what this all means to me... It's kind of sad.

And now here I am, reading over the old memories of my peers, my friends, my family, and I see how Discord compares to Pandora... here, I'll give you my take away.

Discord TARP is weakening. Interpret that as you will.

~A.S